building a perfect boyfriend!!

BUILDING THE PERFECT BOYFRIEND
Category:  Life

Yesterday, Super Jabs wrote about his perfect woman -- basically, tits, ass, and a mute button to shut her up. So, in the interest in showing two can play at that game, I decided to say what I personally would like in a man.

Sense of humor

One more guy with the personality of a block of cement, and I swear to God I'm going postal. Seriously. I don't want to hear about Barack Obama or the war in the middle East or why you hate all of your co-workers. Not exhaustively. I've been known to put a boyfriend on speaker and let him ramble when he became way too negative (and boring). Make me laugh. Ask me about my day. Tell me what you did at work and maybe teach me a thing or two. But quit bitching. Just stop it! It causes wrinkles. (Not in you, in ME!)

Performance

It's called foreplay. Look into it, guys. When we were 16, you all knew how to do it. Of course, back then all we had was foreplay! You may THINK you're taking your time, but I'm here to tell you...you're not.

Go-Away Button

Jabs wants a mute button to shut her up. I want a go away button for him to get out of my hair so I can have some "me" time every now and then. Isn't football on or something? And, while we're at it, can I have a fast forward button for those times he picks a fight about something stupid I care nothing about? Let's fast forward to the makeup sex. Fighting is a waste of perfectly good energy... I can put that energy to other uses.

Built-In Flat Panel TV

Maybe a little surround sound too. That way he can watch the game while we get out in the world. Yes, I know it's tough to drag your butt off the sofa for an hour between Friday at 5pm and Monday at 8am, but the world does not exist inside your TV set. I prefer to live my life, not sit around watching others do it. Instead of watching football, how about let's PLAY some football? Tackle, anyone? ;-) Besides, if he has a built in TV, sometimes I can go to the movies and actually see what I want to see, anything that doesn't involve car chases and gunfights for two hours.

Chest

I won't go into the detail Jabs did because I'd risk being called shallow. Apparently it's okay for a man to say these things but not a woman. So my perfect man would have a huge beer belly, no hair, and looks like someone's grandpa. (Yeah, RIGHT!) I'll just name one body part, the most important:

His chest. Mmmmmmm.... Okay, that's the second most important body part. The most important body part, the most useful part to me is his...

his......

EYES

What did you think I was going to say? Pervert!

It's all in the eyes. The eyes tell you a lot about people. Ever see someone who looked dead inside? Could you fall for him? First and foremost, he needs to have a fire in those eyes and when he looks at me, I should feel it all the way to my toes. His eyes should light up when he laughs...and hopefully he'll laugh often. Sometimes his gaze will feel like a gentle caress but then sometimes he'll have such desire in them, it will shake me to the core.

Okay, scratch all that other stuff. I just want THAT man. The one with the eyes!